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"Congratulations."
Ned stopped, but didn't turn around.
"Brenda said Alexis had the baby this morning."
Ned turned. Sonny continued to stare through the window at the empty bassinette.
"Taken to stalking infants, Sonny?"
Sonny took a slow, deep breath. "I have to see the cardiologist every now and then, because of when I got shot keeping bullets out of your wife's back."
He watched the reminder register with Ned. It manifested in a look of vague resentment. Score one for Sonny. He continued on, seeking to score two.
"So, you know, I thought while I was here I'd come by the nursery and take a peek at the new arrival - since she never would have existed if not for me."
Ned's jaw visibly tensed. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Sonny felt a rush of adrenaline at the power he held in his hands right then. He could crash this man's world to the ground, if he so chose. But it would also crash Alexis's. That, he wouldn't do. Not again. Not ever. But he loved knowing he could at least make her pompous blowhard of a husband twist. Ashton had a big mouth and nothing to back it up. And he treated Alexis like a like a possession - or like a prize that he'd lost and finally won back, though it was only by default. If Sonny hadn't let her go, Ashton's hands might still be empty of her. Alexis hadn't wiped Sonny out of her heart, and she never would. Every time she looked at their precious child, there he would be. And every time, she would remember the night she and Sonny chose each other. That DID matter to her, and from the minute Alexis knew Sonny was in her room she had made it crystal clear.
Her defenses were at full throttle and she was quickly on the attack. He knew it meant that he still had the ability to hurt her - that what she'd felt for him the night they made their child hadn't completely died. If it had, her words would have dismissed him instead of cutting him down. Her eyes would have held dispassion instead of wounds so vivid and deep that he could barely look at them without wanting to cry. Alexis HAD cried, and Sonny knew damn well that it wasn't just from the pain of being cut open. He understood how she felt. It cut him too, to know that keeping his child safe meant never acknowledging she was his. And it suddenly struck him that Alexis's own father had had to do the exact same thing. The realization blinded him. Had Alexis realized it too?
Sonny shifted his gaze in Ashton's general direction. "What I mean is if I hadn't covered Alexis's back when Sorel's men began to shoot, she probably would have been killed. No Alexis, no baby girl Davis."
"Ashton." Ned spat harshly. "Baby girl Ashton."
"Ah. So, you finally talked Alexis into accepting the patriarchal ritual of abandoning her own name for her child? Good for you - ASHTON. Way to wear the pants in the family." Sonny said with a cheesy smile.
"Alexis makes her own decisions, including what name both she and our daughter will take. And she wants mine. She wants me."
"By default." Sonny thought as he turned his eyes back to the nursery.
"But you're right about us having the baby because of you - in more ways than just you saving her life. I mean, if you hadn't treated Alexis like so much dirt after all she'd done for you, she may never have had the blinders ripped off her eyes and seen the Sonny Corinthos everyone else in town has seen for years. She never would have been so hurt by the truth about someone she trusted and believed in that she turned to me for comfort. And when she did turn to me, it was impossible for me to keep denying the fact that I never stopped loving Alexis and I never would."
Sonny was incredulous. Ashton spoke as if he believed his own lie that the baby was his, conceived in that cottage the night of the storm. And against his will, the image he'd seen through the rain stained window flooded his mind. Alexis was wrapped in a blanket with naked shoulders gleaming from the flame of the fireplace behind her. And Ashton sat there too, his chest bare and his arms around her. It was a tableau Sonny never expected to see, and it hurt - like Carly must have hurt to see him with Alexis. But both of them deserved it. And what else could he have expected? Alexis deserved whatever comfort she could find, even if it was from Ashton. And in a moment of rare weakness, she may even have slept with him that night. But the child born that day was Sonny's flesh and blood no matter how well Ashton pretended otherwise.
"So I guess I should thank you, Sonny. Because I'm truly grateful that you chose to keep wallowing in the gutter with a woman who's perfectly at home there herself instead of dragging Alexis down where she doesn't belong. You sent her right back into my arms where she's ALWAYS belonged, and where I always wanted her to be.
Sonny cleared his throat. "You know, there's nothing like the sight of a beautiful new life to put things into a perspective. So tell me, Ashton - are you planning to be a real father to this new little girl, or the same kind of father you are to Brooke Lynn - one who always puts the smooth and profitable running of the family business first?"
Ned felt his face turning red.
"This coming from a man who's 'business' put his first wife and child into their graves."
Sonny's gut took a hit. But he wouldn't let Ned see it.
"Don't talk about my family, Ashton." He warned flatly through gritted teeth.
And don't make me take away yours.
"Don't you talk about MINE!" Ned inched closer to Sonny, voice lowering into a feral tone. "Don't talk about them, don't talk TO them. You stay the hell away from my wife. And you stay the hell away from our daughter."
Sonny swore he heard a catch in Ned's voice just then. 'Our daughter' didn't roll so trippingly off the tongue for a man who blew steam so hard and often. It made Sonny smirk.
"You would laugh, wouldn't you? You would laugh at other people's pain and loss. Well, Kristina is the last loss Alexis will ever suffer because of you."
"I didn't kill Kristina!" Sonny snapped. "You know that, and so does Alexis."
"You didn't have to kill her yourself. All you had to do was let her into your orbit. You're just a toxic cloud that infects everyone who comes in contact with you, and it doesn't matter to you WHO gets hurt. Or worse. You don't try to clean yourself up, tighten your parameters, or keep innocent people out of your toxic way. Alexis was right - you just don't care. If you did, you'd have fired her after she almost DID get shot to death simply because she worked for you. You wouldn't have brought an innocent child to live in your home when bombs wrapped as birthday presents find their way past your bodyguards and through your front door. And you wouldn't have conspired with a hateful old man to ambush and threaten a pregnant woman while she lay in a hospital bed with both her health and her child's at high risk."
Sonny's jaw tightened as he swallowed hard. His rage was pounding in his chest, his heart ready to burst. He had no defense - there was nothing for him to say. And he didn't mean he wanted to hear any more. So Sonny turned and began to walk away. But he couldn't help but hear more, as Ned continued with his assault of truth.
"And you have the nerve to put all the blame on AJ for what happened to your baby with Carly." Ned muttered. "You hypocrite."
Sonny turned back around and gave Ned a lethal stare. "Excuse me?"
"AJ didn't go after Carly and attack her. But that IS what you did to Alexis. And it makes you a hypocrite."
"I told you not to talk about my family, Ashton."
"Why not? You do? You call AJ a baby killer to anyone who'll listen, including his new bride. But we both know the truth is that Carly went after AJ. She went after HIM, in HIS home, at the top of the stairs, knowing damn well he was drunk. Carly cared more about getting in his face than she did about the safety of the life growing inside of her, and you're exactly like her. You couldn't have cared less about the life growing inside of Alexis when you attacked her. All that mattered to you was saving face after she called you out in public."
Sonny kicked into the cold, detached mode that served him well in times when he could easily explode. He looked at Ned through blankly staring eyes and spoke in a monotone voice.
"She made dangerous statements in public. Statements that could have forced me to take legal action and it would have gotten her into trouble. I didn't want that. She needed to stop."
"She needed to get her blood pressure under control, which is why she was in the hospital! Did you even stop to ask yourself why she was there? No. You didn't ask because you didn't give a damn about her or her baby. Not even when you thought is could be yours. Good God! Was it worth it, Sonny? Did it make you feel good to look in her eyes as she lay hooked up to an IV and blood pressure monitor and see that you'd succeeded in scaring her? Did it make you feel like a big man?"
"Shouldn't you be with your wife and baby right now?"
"I'll take that as a 'yes'." Ned huffed. "But I wonder what kind of man you would have felt like if what you did had caused Alexis to lose her baby."
Sonny's ears began to ring.
"You could have easily sent her stress level over the edge just as literally as AJ sent Carly down the stairs. Only AJ was just being a clumsy drunk. You were being a cold, calculated monster. And if Alexis HAD miscarried, I'd be the one calling YOU a baby killer."
Sonny's cheeks burned. And he was paralyzed with a rage that was half turned inward, and half wanting to beat Ned's face to a pulp for daring to speak of his dead child, for comparing him to AJ, and for throwing a horrifying possibility in his face. It never occurred to him that Alexis might miscarry - that once again, God would take a child back before it was even born rather than let Sonny be its father on earth. For a third time, his unborn child could have died...because of him. Maybe he was no better than AJ...or Deke.
"Call off the hit, Sonny. Or you're no better than your stepfather."
The warning Alexis gave him reverberated in his head, and it made him want to fall to his knees. He chose to be a better man that night for her. Only for her. But he lost her anyway. So what was the point in choosing to be better any more? At least, in a way that anyone but he would know about. His best, most selfless act would be invisible - so long as Ned Ashton never gave him reason to bring it to light. Sonny would be watching his daughter and her mother closely, though from afar. And Ashton had better make good on his promises to love them and protect them and give them a happy life, or else...
"I'm glad Alexis and the baby are well." He whispered hoarsely. "Take good care of them. They deserve it."
Sonny turned and walked like a robot, away from the empty bassinette and Ned's righteously contemptuous face. But he couldn't help throwing back a parting shot.
"And this time, try to keep your wife and daughter in the same town as you."
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The hungry cries were too much for her to bear.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. Your mommy shouldn't have been such a ninny and made you wait. I can do this without help. WE can do this. It is a fifty-fifty proposition, after all. Team work is the thing. You and I are a team - a great team. And we can do anything we put our minds to, including getting you properly fed. I mean mothers and babies have been doing this since...well, since the dawn of time."
Alexis stroked the fretful baby's cheek, and Krista's tiny fingers released their captive lock of hair. Her head turned toward the feel of her mother's rhythmic touch, rosebud mouth opening, closing and opening again. Something instinctive was happening in her child, and Alexis felt it in herself as well. Krista was searching - searching for her. Alexis reached back and untied the thin strings at the neck of her gown, then struggled to free the sleeve off one arm while cradling the baby against her chest with the other. It wasn't easy, and the incision hurt as she moved. But the pain eased as she settled herself back against the pillows and helped her daughter's hungry mouth find what it sought. Within seconds, the surprisingly strong jaws had locked themselves down on their target, and Krista began to suckle as quickly and easily as if she's been doing it forever.
"Wow." Alexis murmured. "Look at you - the expert. And you didn't even ready any books."
A tiny warm hand rose up from the blanket and hovered, fingers flexing curiously within the air. And then, Alexis watched as her child's palm came to rest flush against the swelling inner curve of her breast, as if laying claim to her mother's body and making sure she knew to whom she belonged. Alexis took in a sharp, ragged breath and tenderly lay her own hand upon her child's, holding it close over her heart. A sudden rush of blinding love came over her. It was new and yet familiar, and it made her eyes began to burn. She closed them tight...and her mind's eye was suddenly filled with the vision of Sonny holding her palm against his chest, close over his heart, on both the night their child was conceived and on the day that she was born. The symmetry of his gesture and that of their child tugged at her emotions like the baby tugged at her breast. And Alexis knew, without a doubt, that Sonny had told her the truth about that night.
Her eyes snapped open, and she stared down at baby's perfect little face. Krista's eyes were closed in pure contentment as she happily nursed away, fingers moving against Alexis's skin in rhythm with the movement of her mouth. Symmetry was everywhere - symmetry, love...and fate. Nothing had changed for Alexis. The life she chose for herself and her child would be a life with Ned. She loved him, and she always had. She'd loved Sonny too, but that had been different. A life with him was impossible, and she'd never thought otherwise. She'd never thought at all beyond wishing she didn't feel what she felt for him - until two blue lines told her Krista was on the way. Her little one consumed all her thoughts, and she always would. A childhood filled with violence, insecurity, and the contempt of a parent's spouse was unacceptable. She would have better that what Alexis had - what Sonny had too. Ned would give her better. He already had.
Alexis gently released her hand from Krista's, and the baby's fingers flexed. She made a small sound and her thick, dark eyelashes began to flutter. Alexis touched her hand again, and the flexing and fluttering stopped. She smiled and bit her lip. She was in awe of this tiny creature, and a bit in awe of herself as well. Maternal instincts were rising up left and right, and the most natural maternal act of nursing her child inspired so primal a feeling within her that Alexis could barely breathe. She wanted to stay like that forever, frozen in time and enveloped in absolute bliss.
Ned opened the door without knocking, seeing no particular reason to do so. He was stunned to see Alexis feeding her baby all on her own, and looking quite the natural born mother. She was positively glowing with love and pride, and Krista seemed quite at home. He couldn't help but stare as he stood just inside the doorway. It was an unspeakably beautiful thing to see, and his greedy eyes drank it in. God, he loved this woman and child.
Alexis looked up from her contemplation of the beautiful baby in her arms. She smiled.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself. How did the nurse beat me here?"
"She didn't. Maternal instincts, one - maternal neuroses, zero."
"So I see."
He stayed right where he was, still staring at Alexis and the baby with a wistful expression on his face. Alexis felt herself begin to blush under his reverent gaze - in front of the open door.
"Uh - so can everyone who's walking behind you."
Ned blinked. Alexis laughed lightly and stroked the downy hair on Krista's head.
"Honey, could you come on in and close the door?"
"Oh." He turned around and scratched at his stubbly cheek in embarrassment as he shut the door. "Sorry."
"Thank you."
Krista made a small sound and her tiny hand pulled away from its perch upon her mother's breast.
"What, sweetie?" Alexis looked up at Ned as he sat back on the edge of the bed. "Would she just let go on her own if she'd had enough."
"I think so. Brook Lynn sure never had any trouble letting people know when she did or didn't want something."
"That's what I thought. Krista didn't have any trouble letting ME know that she wanted to eat - like, NOW."
She lifted the baby's newly airborne hand and leaned down to kiss it. The fingers wiggled, as if asking for another kiss. They got one.
"I guess I'd better call the nurses station and tell them you're doing just fine on your own."
"I am, aren't I?"
As Ned picked up the phone, Alexis continued to gaze down at the tiny fingers, thick lashes and round pink cheeks gracing the new life born of her body that now took nourishment and strength from it. The deep intimacy of the experience was something she'd not been prepared for. The notion of bonding was easy to understand intellectually, but nothing she could have emotionally understood until it happened to her. It was overwhelming, but in a very good way.
Ned set the phone back down and laid a kiss to the back of Alexis's hand as it cradled their daughter's head against her body. She smiled up at him with a look of wonder on her face.
"What are you thinking - right this minute?" He asked.
"I'm thinking...that I wish I could even begin to explain how this makes me feel. I wish I could share the feeling with you." She whispered softly.
He swallowed back the well of emotion rising up inside of him. "You ARE sharing it with me. Because I can see how you feel just by looking in those beautiful eyes of yours. You deserve this, Alexis. You deserve this miracle - and this happiness."
"Oh...gosh." She shook head and smiled shyly. "I don't know how much I deserve it. But I am happy. And I intend to spend the rest of my life making you and Krista happy too."
"You took the words right out of my mouth." He murmured. "And for the record, I'm already over the moon." Ned glanced down at the little rosebud mouth fastened to her mother. "And our bottomless pit of a daughter seems so too."
The baby made a funny grunting sound. Alexis laughed.
"I don't think she appreciated that desparaging remark."
"Sorry, sweetie." Ned stroked Krista's cheek as he leaned over her to whisper in Alexis's ear. "You're right. And Daddy really shouldn't talk, because he can't get enough of Mommy either."
"Ned!" Alexis's eyes widened.
Ned smiled and gently nuzzled her neck. "Sorry again."
"No you're not." She teased.
"No." His teeth grazed her earlobe. "I'm not."
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She looked like her mother, from a distance...through a window...between thin metal blinds that had almost been pulled shut.
Almost.
Not quite.
He wished he'd stayed away and seen nothing, though his eyes refused to tear away themselves from the thinly offered glimpse of what might have been his.
Might have been.
But wasn't.
And now, another man's image was indelibly painted alongside this Madonna and child, and it felt like a bullet tearing through his chest all over again...for a third time, which is supposed to be the charm.
Supposed to be.
It could very well him.
Alexis suddenly shifted and slid her hand down the baby's back. Sonny sensed she had finished nursing, and any entitlement he may have had to spy on the intimate scene was over. With a heavy heart, he closed his eyes to the most breathtaking thing he'd ever seen. He'd never expected to witness such a profound moment between Alexis and their child. He never intended to spy. But something compelled him to make one last attempt to see Krista on the day of her birth, as was his right. The slightly parted blinds on the window of Alexis's room invited him to come close, look in, and commit to memory a thing of beauty like he'd never see again. He supposed he should be grateful, and he was. But it also made him ache for them all the more. His eyes slowly opened once again.
"I'll be watching you, Ashton. Every minute of every day." Sonny whispered against the cold glass. "Do right by them, or so help me God...you'll be sorry."
And with a bitter sting in his eyes, Sonny walked away.
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The baby was squirming in her arms, but not letting go. And then, with no further fuss, the demanding little mouth suddenly released its hold on Alexis.
"Someone is finally full."
She moved Krista upright and held her close so the baby's cheek rested against her chest. Alexis gently rubbed her back and looked up at Ned.
"Am I supposed to burp her now?"
Ned's eyes lowered to the sweet, serene face. "Too late. She's fallen asleep."
Alexis tilted her head down. "You're kidding. Wow. I wish I could drop off that easily. Um...could you take her for a minute so I can..." She shrugged her bare shoulder. "You know."
"Sure."
Ned carefully lifted the sleeping baby from her mother's arms and cradled her in his own. Alexis slipped her arm back into the sleeve of her gown and winced at the quick little pain radiating up her abdomen.
"I saw that"
As if she could sense her mother's discomfort, Krista awoke with a whine.
"WE saw that." Ned corrected.
"I'm all right. Oh honey, be careful. Her head..."
"I know. The nurse showed me just the right way to hold her, so her head would have the proper support. See? She seems to think I'm doing it right."
"She's cooing at you."
"I thought she was giving me a Bronx cheer."
"Different motivations, same outcome - if you're a baby."
"You know, I kept telling you that you were a natural born mother. I wish you hadn't doubted yourself so much."
"I doubted a lot of things, in the beginning. Not any more."
"I know. I'm glad."
"Me too. I can't believe how terrified I was by something as natural and...normal as being a mother."
"Maybe it was the 'normal' part that gave you trouble. You haven't exactly got a whole lot of experience with it."
"Was that a diss?"
"A fact. Look at your childhood, your family, all the gothic customs and rules with which you raised."
"You mean the Ten Commandments, as reinvented by the Cassadines? 'Thou SHALT kill', etcetera?"
"In a nutshell, yeah. Should it be all that hard to understand if 'normal' is a little out of your comfort zone?"
"I managed to make my way through school, which was a pretty normal thing to do. I worked hard at developing my career - also normal. And I became a pretty successful and well-respected professional woman, which is, yet again, normal. At least, it is for the year 2002. Unless you're skinny-lipped, sexist pig with baby chicken hair who goes by a name out of Star Trek."
"Let it go, Alexis."
"I did. I am...trying to." She furrowed her brow and mumbled. "The pompous jerk."
"You can bury him in 2006. If you aren't close to hatching little one number two by then. Or three."
"Okay, you need to put the baby down 'cause I want to hit you."
"Good idea. The former, not the latter."
He leaned down to place the blanket-wrapped bundle in her arms. Alexis shifted and pushed herself further upright. It hurt, and her face showed it. Ned began to straighten back up.
"No - I'm okay. It's okay. I want her."
Ned looked down into the sleeping little face with the soft wisps of dark hair, tiny rosebud mouth, and round cheeks. He wondered if those cheeks would be blessed with dimples, just like her mother's. The kind that only showed when she smiled, whether in shyness or with joy. The kind that made her look like she had a sweet secret being shared with you, though you'd never know what it could be. Ned hoped that Krista would have her mother's dimples. He smiled at the slight wrinkling of button nose within a newborn's dream, and his eyes shifted to Alexis. Her own smile was radiant as she gazed at the beauty she created, eyes shining with pride, love...and a sudden surge of wetness that seemed to take her by surprise. She bit down on the corner of her lip and chewed as she shifted her expectant, misty, chocolate browns to Ned.
"Just be careful of the stitches, okay? I don't want you to hurt yourself."
Alexis wiped at her eyes and laughed through a sniff. "The only thing that hurts is this separation anxiety. She's too far away."
"So are you."
Ned leaned back down and placed a kiss on the top of her head, then gently placed the sleeping bundle in her arms. The baby squirmed and made a small sound of discontent at her slumber being disturbed yet again by traveling from the comfortable nestle of one embrace to another.
"Shh, my sweet girl." Alexis whispered, instinctively holding her perfect little one's head closer to the soothing sound of her mother's heart.
The baby emitted the smallest of sighs in response. Complete in her contentment once again, she was quickly back to sleep with four tiny pink fingertips poking through the folds of the pink. Alexis took in a long, slow breath as she stared down in awe at her child's doll-like hand. And Ned stared down at Alexis, who had never looked more like a child herself - one who'd just been given proof that miracles do exist.
Alexis looked up at Ned, a renewed dampness brimming in her eyes. "Are they SURE everything is okay with her? She looks too perfect and her birth was too hard. I'm scared I may have hurt her and they just don't know it yet."
Ned smiled with a furrowed brow. "Sweetheart, she IS perfect." He cupped her cheek, his thumb gently brushing at a falling trail of tears. "And this unfounded fear of yours that something's maybe wrong with her is just another example of that 'normal' thing."
"It is?"
He nodded.
"Oh." A fresh thin streak escaped from the corner of her eye, and her body registered a small tremble. But she didn't seem to notice, her face was so intent on his.
"Well, when is it going to go away? This unfounded fear that something's wrong with her?"
He slipped his fingers back through her hair and kissed her, lips softly pressing to hers as their bodies formed a protective shield over the baby sleeping peacefully in Alexis's arms. Alexis's breath hitched as her body trembled once more, and Ned slowly pulled his mouth from hers to look into her eyes.
"Honey, you're a mother now. It'll never go away. That's because the love will never go away. If you love, you fear. It's normal."
"Oh." Alexis sniffled and rubbed at her nose with the back of her hand.
"Want a Kleenex?"
She laughed. Ned smiled, and felt his love for her swell. How did she do that? How did she manage to get to him so deeply in so many different ways? Every little thing that was uniquely hers had a permanent place in his heart, from her fierce stubbornness to her deep sensuality to her endearingly childlike habit of using the back of her hand for a Kleenex. He loved all of it - all of her. And he had never, ever stopped no matter how desperately or ill advisedly he tried. Alexis was in his blood, and she'd be there until the day he died.
"It's odd, isn't it? I spent my life facing down Helena, but the idea of facing this new, innocent little life I knew would look to me to be everything was...a whole new kind of terrifying. I've never felt ill-equipped in my entire life as I felt when the enormity of those two blue lines hit me."
"Two blue...oh. The pregnancy test."
She nodded and cast her eyes down to her sleeping angel. "I can't believe I let the possibility of not having her ever enter my mind. Even for just a second. I never would have...you know. But I was so scared, and so alone. I desperately needed someone to talk to, but considering the circumstances, there was no one I could tell. So I talked to Krista. And I told her the truth - that I was scared and didn't really know how to do this motherhood thing, having so little memory of having been mothered myself. But I promised her that I'd love her and protect her always. And I promised I'd do my best to learn how to be the best mother I could be. I also asked her to be patient with me and not give up on me if I stumbled along the way, because I won't ever give up on myself."
Ned reached out and brushed his fingertips down Alexis's face. She smiled, feeling herself blushing.
"I fell in love with my baby so quickly and deeply, without even being aware it was happening. And I knew she would feel it as she grew inside of me, and it would make her strong, secure, and confident."
"That's what I want for you and Krista. For my love to make you both feel strong, secure and confident."
"It does. I hope you know that."
"I do."
"Good." Alexis sighed and leaned back against the pillows with her child asleep upon her chest. "Do you think they'll let Krista stay here with me tonight?"
"I don't know. I'll ask."
Ned ran his hand across her hair and watched as Alexis let her lids drift shut at the soothing feel of it.
"I did ask Dr. Meadows how long she wanted to keep you here, and she said as long as the incision is healing up well and there's no sign of infection, you should be able to come home the day after tomorrow."
His hand repeated its travel down her hair.
"What, no protest about leaving tomorrow instead?"
Alexis's chest steadily rose and fell, as did the tiny baby resting upon it. She was fast asleep - like daughter, like mother. Ned smiled, his heart large and full. He had envisioned that day so many times since he'd first fallen in love with her, though he'd never spoken of it out loud. And he couldn't be more grateful for second chances...and sometimes third. The third time's supposed to be the charm. It was fate. And it was right.
And this time, Ned was going to hold on tight and never let them go.
THE END